Early one morning in the spring of 1986 the morning news report opened with, LOST CHILD FOUND LIVING WITH POLAR BEARS AFTER SIX YEARS. The whole nation watched in disbelief, but relieved as they recollected the events six years prior of a family on vacation in the Alaskan wilderness. They recalled the tattered emotions of the grieving family after the two week search for they’re missing 3 year old daughter was called off. The child had curiously ventured out of the unlatched door of they’re rented mobile home and and disappeared never to be seen again. The years in a childs life between ages 3 and 9 are extremely impressionable and important to there development. This child that had been raised by polar bears and survived some of her most crucial early years behaving like them , after many years of psycotherapy, and at the age of 32 had finally began to stabelize. That is until that recent trip to the Berlin zoo.Without thinking, a companion led the lady to the polar bear quarters and thats when it happened. The lady recognized one of the polar bears as her older brother and on instinct jumped in to go reunite with him. She never considered that her size was now somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 pounds and that the bears would never recognize her.
As she swam closer to the bears, one of them turned to another one and said,”Man, what is this fat heffa doing swimming out here towards us.” The other bear replied, “probably try’na steal some of our food, but I got somethin for her fat ass though.” It wasn’t long before the lady realized that she would not receive the prodigal son welcome that she had anticipated, so she turned around and was literally running on top of the water to escape the bears enclosure but they caught her as she reached the wall. After a few weeks and several stitches, the woman is reportedly acting like a human again.
"Ringo, its me Heidi"
"Ringo, I missed you so mu.. OOH SH!7!! STOP THAT!!!"
"Is she really runnin' on top of the water?"
"Don't let us catch yo fat ass down here no more.."